Is Your Net Working? Too Shy To Network?

Sound familiar?
"Do your hands start sweating and your legs shake with the thought of having to not only attend a business networking session but actually talk to people?"
"Do you feel paralyzed by the fear of rejection when you are at a business networking event?
"Would you rather have a root canal than attend a business networking event?
"Would you rather send an e-mail to a business lead than meet them in person?"

Well if any of these apply... you may be shy!

"Get over it!" That's what our extroverted friends would say. "Just do what we do!"

Life isn't that simple. We aren't all extroverts and it would probably be a noisy world if we were. Being shy isn't a personal defect.

You aren't the only one out there, even if it feels like it sometimes. The world is full of shy people and that doesn't prevent you from being an effective networker and reaping the benefits that networking can bring to your business.

Shyness can be defined as a reticence and self-consciousness, not just in stressful social situations but over all.

Studies in shyness back in 1972 at Stanford University's Shyness Clinic indicated that 40% of Americans considered themselves to be shy. Nowadays, closer to 50% are likely to say that they are shy. You would think that with all of the advancements in modern sciences and the humanities that we would become more outgoing. Perhaps all those advances are what are causing us to become shyer.

It has been said that it started with ATMs and Walkmans. We are no longer obligated to stand in line at our financial institutions to do our banking. We can do it with a machine. The opportunity to talk to your neighbour while standing in line is lost as well as small talk with the teller. Grocery stores and many other ones now have self-checkouts. No need to interact with a check-out clerk anymore. Walkmans allowed us to walk and listen to our music, for our ears only, a great way to escape unwanted conversations. The Walkman developed into MP3 players and smart phones that while getting smaller in size have offered us more ways to escape the real world.

The traditional family is no longer traditional. The days where the father went to work, the mother stayed home and the children went to school, all to come home at the end of the day to share a meal and their adventures of the day only exists in reruns of Leave it to Beaver. Traditional meals were replaced by TV dinners, then microwaveable ones. Fast food has become even faster and arguably not even food anymore. The opportunity to develop one's communication and conversing skills around the family dinner table may be lost forever.

I believe that you can place the condition of shyness on a continuum. On one end you would have an individual who is painfully shy. The mere thought of having to go to a networking event and conversing with people could be enough to cause them to have a panic attack. Any situation where one feels that they are likely to die is to be avoided at all costs.

At the other end of continuum would be someone who experiences some mild apprehension about participating in networking events. They feel the apprehension but go ahead and do it anyways.

So how do we move upwards on the continuum to the point where we are less apprehensive about meeting and socializing with people, even to the point of enjoying it?

As a registered nurse working most of my career in mental health I realize that there will be some individuals that will only be able to move forward by taking an antianxiety medication such as lorazepam to reduce their anxiety. This is only recommended for those that have severe difficulty and only for short term. Despite what some physicians will say, these medications are only to be used for short durations. Coming off of the medication can be as stressful for the person as the situation that the medication was taken for in the first place.

I believe that the secret to becoming more social i.e. moving away from shy is a cognitive behavioural one combined with skill development. There are a few clinical modalities that might be of use. Some might say that it is not important to know why you are shy or what causes your symptoms. "Forget about it, move forward, do it anyways!" A Reality Therapy approach might be "You are shy because you choose to be. What are you going to do to change it and become more social?"

A Solutions Focussed approach would likely say something like "Tell me what it would look like if you were no longer shy. What would you be doing? Who would you be talking to? What would you be saying to them? How would you be feeling?" They wouldn't be focussing on the past, only on how the future could be.

I'm a proponent of the Solutions Focussed Method combined with education and experience.

There are a lot of parallels with the fear of public speaking and shyness in social situations. Over the past 20 years I have been honing my public speaking skills by studying public speaking as a member of Toastmasters. Both within my club with fellow members and out in the public I regularly challenge myself by delivering presentations and speeches.

Darren Lacroix, the 2001 World Champion of Public Speaking describes the secret to becoming a better public speaker as being "Stage time, stage time, stage time." I believe that the secret to becoming less shy and more self-confident is similar. You need to face your fear of networking by getting out there and doing it, over and over again.

Within the Toastmasters program we develop our skills by continually moving forward in our educational program and raising the bar as they say in increasing the challenges that we face. The more that we speak in public, the more that we desensitize ourselves and reduce the power that anxiety has over us. The Toastmaster's program also offers constructive feedback as a way to maximize our self-development.

An overall plan to reduce shyness and increase self-confidence would be wise to include joining Toastmasters. Membership will provide you plenty of opportunities to both develop your communication and leadership skills but also plenty of opportunities to network in social situations.

Research the topic of business networking. You will find that while there is lots written about the subject, finding practical tips and techniques can be challenging to find.

Look for networking events in your community. Don't expect to be a power networker from the beginning. As they say you can't expect to run before you can walk. Learn what you can about the organization facilitating the event. What type of people attend the events? Is it purely social in nature or are people expecting to network for business opportunities?

If you are shy and it is important that you network, accompany a friend to the next business networking event, preferably someone who is a little more outgoing than you are. Ask them to introduce you to some people that they know that may be of benefit for you to meet.

As I said in the introduction, if almost 50% of people are saying that they are shy, then odds are there will be a high number of shy people at any event. You won't be alone!

Is Your Net Working? Cyber Bullying Prevention Strategies

If you are actively marketing and promoting yourself on-line as a part of your networking efforts the likelihood of encountering a cyber bully increases exponentially. It is simply a matter of numbers, the more people that you network with the higher the odds of encountering one.

Cyber bullying has featured prominently lately in the media with the unfortunate suicides of several teens in North America. As adults we aren't immune to the same tactics that these bullies use.

So what is a "cyberbully"?

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia... Cyberbullying is the use of the Internet and related technologies to harm other people, in a deliberate, repeated, and hostile manner.

Cyberbullying is defined in legal glossaries as:
actions that use information and communication technologies to support deliberate, repeated, and hostile behavior by an individual or group, that is intended to harm another or others.
use of communication technologies for the intention of harming another person
use of internet service and mobile technologies such as web pages and discussion groups as well as instant messaging or SMS text messaging with the intention of harming another person.

Examples of what constitutes cyberbullying include communications that seek to intimidate, control, manipulate, put down, falsely discredit, or humiliate the recipient. The actions are deliberate, repeated, and hostile behaviour intended to harm another. Cyberbullying has been defined by The National Crime Prevention Council: "When the Internet, cell phones or other devices are used to send or post text or images intended to hurt or embarrass another person."

The practice of cyberbullying is not limited to children and, while the behavior is identified by the same definition when practiced by adults, the distinction in age groups sometimes refers to the abuse as cyberstalking or cyberharassment when perpetrated by adults toward adults.

Common tactics used by cyberstalkers are performed in public forums, social media or online information sites and are intended to threaten a victim's earnings, employment, reputation, or safety. Behaviors may include encouraging others to harass the victim and trying to affect a victim's online participation. Many cyberstalkers try to damage the reputation of their victim and turn other people against them. Source: Wikipedia... Cyberbullying & Cyberstalking.

A cyberbully could be a complete stranger to you or someone that you know.

This article is a result of having dealt with a cyberbully over the past five months, one that I have never actually met in person. I would like to share some cyberbullying prevention strategies that I have learned during my journey so that you don't have to go through the misery. And that dear reader is what the bully wants. They want you to be miserable. That is their goal.

My experience began innocently enough when I cautioned a poster to a Facebook Group page that I moderated. The individual had added their comments to a post that I had made and side-tracked the conversation. As the Moderator I felt that the content posted was inappropriate for a public forum as it was harassing another member of the group and making veiled threats.

I advised the individual that firstly, I felt that that the content they posted was inappropriate for a public forum. Secondly, that their dispute was with an individual and that they should deal with them directly. Thirdly, I made myself available for discussion of this matter and that should they continue further in this manner I would be obligated to revoke their membership from the Facebook group. In their self-righteous indignation they quickly posted several more posts, however this time they were directed at me. As I had previously cautioned them I revoked their membership to the group page, which in turn deleted the comments to the post.

Thinking that the incident was over I was dismayed to find a tirade of accusations posted on their Twitter feed about me. I then found that I was highlighted on their website's blog as being the scourge of mankind as well as attacked on their personal Facebook page. I like attention as much as the next guy but this was out of control!

The intent of this article is not to get into the "he said"... "she said" details of this situation but to learn from it.

I have worked some 33 years as a Registered Nurse in the field of psychiatry/mental health and through those years I believe that I have developed a good understanding of human behaviour. At least I am able to recognize behaviour that does not fall within the parameters of so-called normal behaviour. Over the next few paragraphs I will endeavour to provide some background info on why bullies bully from a psychological perspective. It isn't a one size fits all profile but I would challenge you to think about people that you know or have encountered and determine if they fall into any of these categories.

Some people display paranoid personality traits without meeting all of the criteria of being diagnosed as a paranoid personality disorder. Common characteristics of a paranoid individual are as follows: suspiciousness (looking for hidden reasons, meanings, causes etc. to another's behaviour and/or actions); hypervigilance i.e. being super aware of situations that they feel could cause them harm; short-tempered and lack of trust. The individual that is bullying you may have paranoia and for whatever reasons have chosen you as a target.

Working in mental health for so many years I learned an adage that has served me well... "all behaviour has meaning." The challenge is in determining what the meaning of the behaviour is and what it is supposed to do for the individual displaying it.

A cyberbully displays the same characteristics of a bully in the "real world." They usually have inadequate personalities, poor interpersonal skills, poor coping skills and a lack of empathy. They seek out individuals who they feel that by dominating them, they can raise their stature.

I recall a book written back in the 1970's entitled The Games People Play, by a psychologist named Eric Berne. Berne outlined different interpersonal transactions that people have with each other calling them "games". Ideally, as adults respectful of each other we communicate at the same level and the communication is productive. Another game, one that is not productive is "I'm not okay, you're okay! In this game one person does not feel good about themselves. They have learned that if they bring another person i.e. one who is okay, down to their level they subsequently feel better about themselves. It is definitely dysfunctional but it is a game that is likely fairly common. A bully looks at another person and decides that they want to bring them down to their level. Victims are created. Victims may not even know in the beginning that they have been targeted or why. Victims are not always passive individuals that are setting themselves up for bullying as some people would believe. A bully may target an individual who is more popular, attractive, successful, charismatic, smarter etc. than they believe that they are.

This article is focussing on the on-line behaviour of a bully, also known as cyberbully. Perhaps you will encounter them on a Facebook page as I did or any of the numerous discussion groups that proliferate on the internet.

For whatever reason, you are chosen as their target. It might start out with their disagreement of something that you have posted. Then it escalates to attacking not only your content but your credibility in posting the comments. Then it becomes a personal attack where your personal traits and characteristics and so-called short comings are focused on. It doesn't matter what you respond with as the bully's focus is in maintaining one-upmanship, thereby controlling you. You can tell that you are dealing with a paranoid individual in that they will likely respond to your post in a matter of minutes. They are at the ready, waiting for your response to be posted and then with a distant "Gotcha!" they respond back in a caustic manner. "How dare you!" seems to be their battle cry.

Cyberbullies will often align themselves with influential people or organizations, where there may not be an actual connection, in order to add credence to their accusations. They will often make generalizing statements. "Everyone says that you... !" "XXX agrees with me that you... " "You always... "

So what can you do to mitigate the damage done by a cyberbully? As William Feathers is often quoted as saying "knowledge is power!" You need to regain your power from the bully and mitigate the damage that they can do to you. Something to remember is that anything that is posted to the internet will likely be there for ever. If you are in business and trying to develop a business or personal brand via networking and/or using the internet it is important to think of damage control.

The following is a list of strategies that you can use to regain your power over a cyberbully. They are not organized in steps but rather initiatives that can be underway at the same time.

Social Media Discussion Groups:

If one of your posts is targeted by a bully, as hard as it will be, you need to resist the urge to respond in kind. This is what the bully wants. By responding, in their mind you justify what they wrote and that gives them the impetus to continue and escalate their postings. It takes at least two people to argue. If you don't, it makes it more challenging for them to continue on their own.

If you are the Moderator of the group and you are under attack from a bully I would suggest responding to them with a firm directive approach as used in the human resources field. Provide them with an explanation of what behaviour is inappropriate, what behaviour would be appropriate and/or corrective measures that you would suggest to improve the situation, a time frame for the changes to take place and finally an outline of what measures that you will take if the inappropriate behaviour is not corrected. If the behaviour continues, follow through with the measures that you had outlined.

It is difficult to determine how the cyberbully will respond with the above described actions. It could escalate matters. It is also difficult if not impossible to predict the future and the past can get blurry as matters escalate. I would recommend that you create a document in your favourite word processing program to chronicle the steps that you have taken in the matter and to provide evidence of the abuse that has been directed your way. I would recommend an inexpensive program called Snaggit from Techsmith. It allows you to do screen captures of info that you want to keep. Simply highlight an area that you want to capture. It loads it into the Snaggit editor where you can copy and paste into your word document.

If at anytime that you feel that your personal safety is at risk, notify your local police department. In my case, I sought out legal advice and was advised to take out a peace bond on the individual. This is a legal document that you can present to the police should a person be within your immediate vicinity without just cause. My local police declined following up on my complaint saying that the individual hadn't crossed over from being a nuisance to an actual threat and that they were seeing an increase in this type of behaviour. Since I wasn't able to get a peace bond secured, I did ensure that a file was initiated at the police detachment and my details were recorded should I need to refer to them at a later date. This was all added to my personal file.

If you are the creator of the post that the bully has used as a soapbox you are likely able to delete the entire post. This takes it away from public view. The downside of this action is that should you do so, you will be unable to register a complaint with the Administrators of the specific social media. Once it is deleted, it is gone. Forever? I'm not sure about that. Make sure you do a screen shot capture before deleting the entries. We will explore how to register a complaint shortly.

Facebook:

If the post in question i.e. where you have been attacked is created by someone else you can report it to Facebook administration by clicking on the small graphical V that appears in the top right hand corner of the original post. It gives you the option of reporting the post or labelling it as spam. Doing so takes the post out of the Timeline and presumably Facebook will investigate it. If you are the originator of the post you only have the option of hiding your post or deleting it. Remember to take a screen capture before taking action.

Twitter:

Twitter seems to be a little more out front with how they process complaints "Users are allowed to post content, including potentially inflammatory content, provided they do not violate the Twitter Rules and Terms of Service."

"In order to investigate reports of abusive behaviors, violent threats or a breach of privacy, we need to be in contact with the actual person affected or their authorized representative. We are unable to respond to requests from uninvolved parties regarding those issues to mitigate the likelihood of false or unauthorized reports. If you are not an authorized representative but you are in contact with the individual, encourage the individual to file a report through our forms."

You can also unfollow a person who is harassing you on Twitter. This removes them from your timeline but not from the Twitter stream. Their posts will remain visible on their Twitter profile homepage. Remember to take a screen capture before unfollowing them.

LinkedIn:

LinkedIn doesn't seem to address the issue of abusive posts other than advising that you can report inappropriate comments by flagging a group discussion.

"Open the discussion and click Flag to notify the group manager that an item might be inappropriate, or that it may need to be moved to the Jobs or Promotions tab.

To flag a comment in a group discussion:

Move your cursor over a comment and click Flag as inappropriate under a comment.

You can also contact your group owner or manager directly. The group manager decides what action (if any) will be taken.

Website or Blog:

If malicious content is being posted about you on the cyberbully's website or blog an option is to register a complaint with their webhosting provider and or their website developer. This information is generally available by doing a WhoIs domain lookup in a search engine such as Google. In my case, the website developer tried to mitigate his responsibility by saying that he wasn't responsible for the content of the site only the operating system. I left him with the idea that he may share liability should I decide to go forward with legal proceedings against the cyberbully.

Speaking of Google... it is worth your while to Google yourself every so often to see what is floating around in cyberspace about you. Simply enter your name into Google or another search engine to see what is out there. When your results are displayed Google allows you to fine tune your search. Simply click on Search Tools and you indicate the time span that you would like displayed.

In summary, cyberbullys can make your life miserable and take your concentration away from more important issues, if you let them. To be successful at networking you need to open yourself up to possibilities and unfortunately one of those possibilities is that someone will want to take advantage of you or do harm. I hope that this article will give you strategies to regain your power should you encounter a cyberbully. Bullying in any form should not be tolerated and we all need to do our part to reduce it. Please share this article with anyone that you feel may benefit.

Making Marketing Work In Your Business

I have said it before, and I will say it again, YOU are the marketing expert that your business needs!

Now, how will you make sure that you don't miss an opportunity to ensure that everyone who needs to hear your marketing message actually does? Think about it. There are literally THOUSANDS of people who are looking for exactly what you are offering right now. They are either actively searching for you and your services or subconsciously being nagged by that unmet need that prevents peace in their lives. This is huge. You have the answer to this nagging problem that they are seeking. All they need to do is understand that and BOTH of you will benefit. The problem is, you may not be in their view or in their thoughts!

And they can't FIND you unless you put yourself out there where you can actually be found!

So, how do you do this?

In my coaching program I teach that there are EIGHT SPOKES in the marketing wheel that you need to have in your business to be successful. I want to talk about TWO of them that I feel are important because they are free or very low-cost.

First, are you NETWORKING? You need to be setting time aside EVERY WEEK for networking. This could be through a weekly networking meeting or you could choose one day a week to set appointments and meet with people who either need your services directly or who can help you connect with others who do. I can't stress enough the importance of this. Ever heard the statement, "It's not what you know but who you know?" You should be making a point to build relationships with others who know you and will recommend you without hesitation.

An expert networker actually is working smarter vs. harder because they have a whole team of people helping them build their business at all times. This strategy is often referred to as your "unpaid sales force." You don't pay in cash, instead, your contribution is the effort it takes in building reciprocal, quality relationships; and when approached correctly, the payoff has significant cash value.

Second, do you have a Facebook PAGE for your business? Not only should you have a Facebook page set up you should be regularly posting messages on it while making a point to increase the number of "fans" that you have. If you are a child of the sixties or seventies and can remember a time when Facebook didn't exist, this suggestion might be an eyebrow raiser and you might even cringe somewhat at the thought but it's a tried and true strategy for getting the word out there about your product or service.

If you didn't even blink, then you already understand why this is so important and probably already have a page set up. Either way, if you aren't utilizing social networking in your business then you are missing a critical marketing opportunity. Utilizing Facebook is a marketing strategy that, if implemented properly, will quickly and easily help create the visibility that you need for your business.

I think it's pretty clear by now just how IMPORTANT I feel that marketing is for your success. I'll be talking about this more in the future but for now, ask yourself if the two "spokes" I've mentioned above are part of your "marketing wheel" and if they aren't; call me right away so I can help you make sure that they are!

Your action plan:

1. Join a networking organization and do what the successful networkers are doing.

2. Allocate one day of your week to be your networking day and make it an effective day.

3. Set up a Facebook page and contribute valuable tidbits. Don't spend more than 15 minutes making your daily posts. Use this as a tool to gain visibility; don't get sucked into a time wasting activity.

Work From Home Ideas - Why Should You Ignore Residual Income Opportunities?

There are several ways to make money from home and a couple of different types of income you can earn. By now you have probably heard talk of residual income and how desirable it is amongst entrepreneurs. But there are several things you need to keep in mind prior to jumping on any residual income work from home ideas yourself.

One of the biggest problems people face with residual income opportunities is thinking it will all fall into place quickly. Far too many people are under the impression that you can start a work from home idea and be raking in dough the first week. After a few weeks pass with little to no results to show for their efforts, most people end up quitting.

What you need to realize is it takes a great deal of time and effort to truly succeed with a residual income opportunity. If you are looking to make money quick, this is not the route to take. If you are looking for a program that is completely automated and does the selling for you, you will want to move on.

As with anything else that you would work to build up, residual income work from home ideas take time, energy and hard work to actually make the most of it. It is important you think logically with online opportunities. If it were easy and quick to make money with a specific idea, don't you think everyone would be jumping on it?

Although there is the potential for tremendous results in the long-run, there is no guarantee that you will have any success whatsoever with a residual income opportunity. The problem is you must stick with it in order to see if it is going to work. This involves you sticking with something for at least six months with the hope that it will pay off. If it does not, you will have wasted six months of your time while generating little to no money whatsoever. This is a huge risk.

It is a personal decision you will need to make. Are you willing to put all of your marbles into the bag and hope that it pays off or would you rather go for something that is a sure thing? While the potential results could be far greater with a residual income, it could also lead to nothing more than a waste of six months or more. This is precisely why you want to ignore residual income work from home ideas.